From: DrMM <drmm@navix.net>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: tng parody 1
Date: Thu, 04 Dec 1997 22:49:14 -0600

hey everyone, yeah, this is the first time I've ever posted but then
again this is the first time I've had a server that actually let me
access ng's (what can I say, my old server sucked)

Anyway, I'm passing along a tng parody that I wrote for a screenwriting
class I had this semester. It's rather long, so it'll be several posts,
but hey, someone besides my teacher needs to read it :)

hummm, and as long as I'm at it, here's a shameless promo for my new
fanfic site called FanFic World. The goal is to get fanfic from just
about every tv show in existance so if any of you writers want to send
me your stuff (but no slash please), feel free to at ficworld@navix.net.

DrMM

The Many Worlds of DrMM at http://drmm.simplenet.com/
FanFic World: http://drmm.simplenet.com/fanfic/

and now on to the story...

Space Pack: the Next Migration by DrMM (drmm@juno.com)

Obligatory disclaimer: Star Trek: The Next Generation is owned by
Paramount, not me although I wish it was. This story is mine and
permission must be asked before storing it anywhere but the ASC
archives. Any similarities between the characters in this story and
those from star trek is completely intentional and is meant to be funny.

Characters:

Just in case you can't figure out who is supposed to be who here you go
although if you can't I'm gonna seriously wonder.... :)

Captain Peacock = Captain Picard (obviously)
Commander Biker = Riker
Lt. Info = Data
Lt. Pier = Worf (wharf..pier..get it?<g>)
Counseler Trojan = Troy
Dr. Pulverizer = Dr. Crusher
Chief O'Clock = O'Brian
Ensign Pulverizer = Wesley
Lt. LaForgery = LaForge
Hoard Pyramid = Borg Cube
Captain Crisco = Sisco from DS9 (I know you're going what? but there's a
point :)

FADE IN:

EXT. HOARD PYRAMID

An immense pyramid passes in front of the screen (a la Star Wars). The
pyramid is made of smaller pyramids stacked together. A bunch of ships
cross the screen and begin shooting at the pyramid. Immediately some of
the smaller pyramids detach from the big pyramid and begin flying around
the attacking ships like a swarm of bees. The small pyramids form a
pyramid shaped trash compactor and suck the attacking ships into it.

Out of one side come the ships, now duplicates of the smaller pyramids.
All the pyramids then fly back to the main ship, now looking only
partially completed.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

CAPTAIN PEACOCK, a short bald man dressed in a skin tight red suit with
peacock feathers sticking up from his shoulders, walks onto the helm of
the Endeavor. The helm looks like a very low budget version of the
Enterprise bridge from Star Trek with screens and consoles placed all
over the room. In the center of the room are three chairs and a few feet
in front of it is a giant steering wheel.

PEACOCK
(in fake Scottish accent)
Good morning Number Two. Anything interesting happen on watch last
night?

COMMANDER BIKER, wearing a black skin tight suit, and a black leather
jacket with a skull and crossbones on the back, walks over to Peacock.

BIKER
(thoughtfully)
Not really sir. Oh, wait a minute! We got a space ticket for docking in
a "broken ship zone."

PEACOCK
Curses, foiled again! There's never a Space Cop around when you need
one, but when you don't want them, they show up. Oh well, I'll pay it
when we get back from sector alpha-x-theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-
ten-two.

He takes a deep breath and looks around to find LT. INFO, wearing a suit
with giant letters all over it, staring at him.

PEACOCK
What?

LT. INFO
(sotto voice)
Sir, you skipped two pages in the script. We aren't supposed to go there
until AFTER the Admiral orders us there.

PEACOCK
(shocked)
You're kidding!

He grabs a script laying on his chair and thumbs through it.

PEACOCK
(sheepishly)
Oh my gosh, you're right. Oops.

A PHONE RINGS

LT. INFO
Sir. It's the Admiral. He is sending us on a mission to sector alpha-x-
theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-ten-two to destroy the Hoard Pyramid
in an attempt to bring a plot into the script.

PEACOCK
On television.

Lt. Info pulls out a remote control and points it towards a big screen
TV placed up in the front of the helm. Nothing happens. Lt. Peir goes
over behind the TV and starts looking around behind it.

PHONE RINGS

LT. INFO
Sir, it appears that the television is broken. I suggest using an older
method of communication, the telephone.

The crew gasps in shock and horror.

Lt. Pier holds up a wire.

LT. PIER
Sir, I believe I know the source of the problem. The TV is not plugged
in.

LT. INFO
(surprised)
Oh. I hadn't thought of that possibility.

He once again points the remote towards the TV and turns it on.

ADMIRAL
Good day Captain Peacock. For some reason known only to the writer I am
ordering you to go to sector alpha-x-theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-
ten-two and destroy the Hoard Pyramid. Earlier today the attack fleet
sent to defeat the Hoard was unsuccessful. Although this event has
destroyed our peaceful relations with the Hoard entirely, it has been
deemed necessary for the further continuation of the script.

PEACOCK
Very good. We'll go to sector alpha-x-theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-
ten-two immediately.

ADMIRAL
Wait, Peacock.! You forgot to put....

Lt. Info turns the screen off in the middle of his sentence

PEACOCK
(deep ominous voice)
Lieutenant Info, prepare the ship for (DRUM ROLL) twisted speed.

INFO
Captain, are you sure that twisted speed would be the proper recourse of
action. Remember last time we overshot the destination by three million
light years.

PEACOCK
Yes I'm sure. It is imperative that we get there as quickly as possible.
Or at least I think so. On my mark. One, two, three, twisted speed now.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship, which looks like a giant bird, disappears in a burst of light
and color as bits and pieces of metal fall off various parts of the
ship.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

LT. INFO
Captain, there is something I have been meaning to ask you. I have
noticed that you speak with a Scottish accent, yet you're from Spain.
Why may I ask?

PEACOCK
Doh! No one was supposed to put that together. Um, I have no idea and
NEVER speak of this again.

LT. INFO
(puzzled)
As you wish Captain.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship slows down and then stops suddenly

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

Everyone is thrown forwards onto the floor

LT. PIER
Sir, there seems to be some problem with the ship. It stopped.

PEACOCK
Tell me something I don't know.

LT. INFO
(helpfully)
Zeno of Elea was a follower of Parmenides. Parmenides asserted that the
one unchanging Being was the ultimate reality. Zeno in his paradoxes,
tried to prove the absurdity of believing that reality is made up of
many changing things. He argued that if a thing moves....

PEACOCK
I didn't mean literally Lieutenant. I was being sarcastic.

LT. INFO
Accessing sir. Sarcasm, a form of wit that is marked by the use of
sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of
contempt or ridicule. Ah, I see sir. You were making fun of Lieutenant
Pier for stating the obvious.

PEACOCK
Exactly.

He presses a button shaped peacock on his uniform.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
Lieutenant LaForgery, what seems to be the problem.

LAFORGERY (O.S)
(strained)
I'm not certain sir, but it appears that we, um, ran out of gas.

PEACOCK
(violently)
Darn! I knew I was forgetting something. Commander Biker, what would you
suggest?

BIKER
We could send a shuttle to a interspace gas station.

He crosses his fingers and closes his eyes.

PEACOCK
Make it so. Counselor Trojan and you will be the ones to go.

BIKER
(happily)
Yes sir!

INT. SHUTTLE BAY

Several people are milling around the shuttle which has an enormous gas
can chained to the back of it.

BIKER
Is everything ready to go Lieutenant LaForgery?

LAFORGERY
Yes Commander. As soon as Counselor Trojan gets here you should be ready
to take off.

TROJAN enters. She is dressed in a very skimpy and skin tight dress and
looks like she's going out to a fancy dinner. As she walks by
everything stops and they stare after her.

BIKER
Yeow! So uh, you ready to go?

TROJAN
(seductively)
I'm always ready to go with you.

BIKER
(drooling)
Okay, bye. We'll be back as soon as we can.

They quickly hop into the shuttle

INT. SHUTTLE

Biker pushes a few buttons and then grabs onto the yoke pulling it up.

INT. SHUTTLE BAY

The shuttle starts up, but in reverse and slams into a wall, pinning a
crew member against it.

INT. SHUTTLE

Trojan is thrown against Biker.

BIKER
(fakely)
Oops. I was in such a hurry that I accidentally put it in reverse.

Trojan eyes him suspiciously as he pushes a few more buttons and pushes
the yoke down.

INT. SHUTTLE BAY

The ship goes out of the bay and the doors close after it. The crew
member who was pinned against the wall falls down with blood pouring off
of him.

CREW MEMBER
(piteously)
Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!

He looks around and sees no one paying any attention to him

CREW MEMBER
(louder)
Someone help me!

Everyone continues ignoring him. He shrugs his shoulders and gets up.

CREW MEMBER
Geesh, what I do to make a living.

He dips his finger into the blood and puts it up to his mouth.

CREW MEMBER (CONT'D)
Mmmmm, chocolate. Yummy.

INT. SHUTTLE

BIKER
So, what should we do now?

Trojan grabs him and kisses him passionately.

BIKER
(muffled)
Okay, works for me.

EXT. SHUTTLE

The shuttle begins to swerve back and forth.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

LT. PIER

Sir, radar is detecting a ship approaching at twelve o'clock.

Peacock looks at his watch.

PEACOCK
It's almost twelve now. Red alert!

LT. INFO
But sir, we aren't supposed to know if the ship is hostile yet.

PEACOCK
Well, I like calling red alerts, so who cares. Pier, do you have any
information about the ship yet?

LT. PIER.
Sir, it appears to be a late twentieth century Earth space shuttle from
what was at that time the United States. I am reading no life signs.

PEACOCK
Put it on screen.

A space shuttle appears on the TV screen and begins to transform.

SFX: DARTH VADER THEME

Everyone in the Endeavor stares at it in shock.

PEACOCK
(horrified)
Oh crap!

LT. PEIR
It can't be!

INFO
Interesting.

LAFORGERY
What a horrifying sight.

INT. SHUTTLE

TROJAN
You're a very naughty boy, you know that?

BIKER
I could say the same about you. Anyway, here we are. We need to get the
gas and get back to the ship.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

ALL
Oh my God. It's a giant lawyer!

LAFORGERY
No wonder there were no life signs.

LaForgery leaves the room.

PEACOCK
That's impossible! All lawyers were eliminated over three centuries ago.
How did they get here?

INFO
Perhaps through a temporal vortex.

Peacock looks at him in confusion. A time hole, in other words.

The lawyer opens his briefcase and pulls out a piece of paper holding it
in front of the ship.

PEACOCK
What?!? We're being sued for similarities to Star Trek! Pier, prepare
the lasers.

LT. PEIR
My pleasure sir.

PEACOCK
Fire.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship turns around and from the back end a large white beam shoots
out towards the lawyer.

ANGLE ON LAWYER

The lawyer explodes and forms little balls.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

PEACOCK
(pleased)
Good shot Lieutenant.

The crew begins to celebrate. Out of nowhere confetti begins falling,
party hats appear and loud music beings playing.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The balls begin to gather into one place. Slowly the lawyer begins to
form again.

INT. ENDEVOR

ANGLE ON INFO

Info is still at his console and looking at the screen.

LT. INFO
Sir, it appears that our celebration may be a bit premature.

PEACOCK
What! Get us out of here!

LT. INFO
Please specify a destination.

PEACOCK
Anywhere, just as long as it gets us away from that, that lawyer. I've
fought many horrifying aliens in my day, but NOTHING as awful as this.

LT. PEIR
How can we go anywhere when we're out of fuel?

PEACOCK
Oh great. Technicalities.

He scratches his head and appears to think deeply.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
I know. We'll use the emergency fuel.

The whole crew gasps.

LT. PEIR
Are you sure that this situation is desperate enough?

PEACOCK
Look at that, thing out there. If we don't do this, we'll never get
away. We'll be stuck with lawyers in our world forever.

LT. PEIR
You have a point. I have no further objections.

PEACOCK
(on intercom)
Lieutenant LaForgery.

LAFORGERY (O.S.)
Yes sir?

PEACOCK
We have a desperate situation out here. I've decided that the only
recourse is to use the emergency fuel.

LAFORGERY (O.S.)
Are you SURE? You know what's gonna happen.

PEACOCK
It's our only hope.

LAFORGERY (O.S.)
(whining)
But I don't wanna! I got a cut on my finger last time we tried this.

PEACOCK
Lieutenant, that lawyer is trying to sue us. I think we need to use the
fuel.

LAFORGERY (O.S.)
It's what? All right sir. Just be sure to put on your seat belts.

PEACOCK
Lieutenant Info, set a course to the gas station that Commander Biker
and Counselor Trojan were going to.

LT. INFO
Course set sir.

PEACOCK
Engage.

He rushes back to his chair and quickly puts on a seat belt. Pier takes
one of the consoles, hits it, and it immediately collapses into a seat,
but without a seatbelt.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship bursts off into the sky. The lawyer futilely tries to follow.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

Pier is thrown up into the ceiling. As the ship moves he slowly creeps
forward on the ceiling.

EXT. GAS STATION

The Endeavor appears out of nowhere and screeches to a halt. WHITE
SMOKE COMES FROM ALL SIDES.

INT. SHUTTLE

Trojan and Biker are sitting asleep in the chairs, with their feet
propped up on the ships controls. Biker is snoring and Trojan is
drooling.

CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Pssst! We're filming!

Trojan and Biker wake up. Trojan sheepishly wipes the drool off his
face and removes earplugs from her ears.

TROJAN
(apologetically)
Sorry guys, it just got soooo boring.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

Pier falls off the ceiling onto Info.

INT. SHUTTLE

Trojan and Biker stare outside at the ship.

BIKER
What?!

TROJAN
You don't think?

BIKER
I do. They must have used the emergency fuel. What could have happened
to make them THAT desperate.

TROJAN
I don't know but it must have been awful whatever it was. Let's go find
out.

They run towards the ship

INT ENDEVOR BRIDGE

All the crew members are sitting around stunned. Their hair is stuck
straight up in the air and soot covers their faces.

PEACOCK
In hindsight maybe I shouldn't have used it.

INFO
(shoving at Pier)
I'd appreciate it if you'd get your hulking carcass of of me.

Biker and Trojan come running in.

BIKER
(waving hand in front of Peacock's face)
Sir, are you okay? Hello?

PEACOCK
(slowly)
I believe so.

BIKER
(paying no attention)
Dr. Pulverizer, report to the helm immediately. The Captain could be
seriously injured.

PULVERIZER (O.S.)
I'll have to send up a stand in. I'm busy taking care of those who
weren't prepared for the use of the emergency fuel.

PEACOCK
(annoyed)
I'm fine Commander.

BIKER
(still not paying attention)
What?! You can't do that doctor! We can't afford any more extras! The
special effects have eaten up our measly budget and if we hire any more
extras then we won't get paid as much.

PULVERIZER (O.S.)
What? Okay, I'll report to the bridge immediately.

Seconds later DR. PULVERIZER walks into the room. She is wearing a
butchers apron with a lab coat on top of it and carrying a calculator in
her hand.

BIKER
Wow, it sure didn't take you long to get here from the medical bay.
Those elevators sure must be fast.

PULVERIZER
It was almost as if I was waiting outside the door, wasn't it?

She walks over to the Captain and points the calculator at him.

BIKER
A calculator?

PULVERIZER
It's the budget again. Besides no one will ever notice. (to captain)
You're fine. Why did you call me here from twenty flights down?

PEACOCK
(annoyed)
I told you I was fine Commander Biker. Geez, didn't you read the script?

BIKER
But sir, I thought you'd welcome an excuse to see the Doctor. You're
constantly going down there for no reason. We all know what's going on.

PEACOCK
Let's just go, okay? Is the ship fully fueled Lieutenant Info?

EXT. ENDEVOR

A small ship is by the wings of the ship putting fuel into them. Gas
begins to fly out as the hose starts flying around in the air and
everyone runs frantically away. A crew member creeps up and hits a
button, turning off the gas.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

LT. INFO
(pushes a few buttons)
Yes sir it is. However there are still twenty-three female crew members
waiting to use the bathroom and ten male crew members are still looking
at the latest issue of Spaceboy.

EXT. GAS STATION

A line of women are seen coming out of the door of the station and
through the windows you can see men fighting over the last copy of
Spaceboy.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

BIKER
There's a new issue of Spaceboy out? Ooooo....

PEACOCK
Info, set a course to sector alpha-x-theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-
ten-two immediately.

LT. INFO
What about the other crew members sir?

PEACOCK
They're only extras. We'll be fine without them. Now go, we're already
behind schedule.

LT. INFO
Very good sir.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship undocks and disappears in a burst of light. We see a bunch of
stars flying by. The camera pulls back just far enough for us to see
that it's a computer screen saver.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

PEACOCK
Lieutenant, how long do you estimate it will take for us to reach sector
alpha-x-theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-ten-two.

LT. INFO
I estimate about twenty four hours, but due to the compression of time
in films, it will be about five minutes.

PEACOCK
(confused)
What? The script is thirty pages and we haven't done that many. It
shouldn't take us that long to defeat the Hoard.

LT. INFO
Sir, have YOU read the script.

PEACOCK
(evasively)
Ummmmm, well, yes, in a way......

DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Peacock, it's not thirty pages any more!

LT. PIER
(horrified)
Sir, we are detecting an object approaching us. It appears to be the
lawyer.

PEACOCK
(jumps up in horror)
What!? Oh my God. Lieutenant, take evasive maneuvers and head for sector
alpha-x-theta-zero-beta-zelda-omega-zxena-ten-two.

LT. PIER
Yes sir.

He slams a button on the console in front of him, which instantly falls
apart.

LT. PIER (CONT'D)
(confused)
What in space?

LT. INFO
The ship is approaching rapidly now. Soon it will be in visual range.

Lt. Pier bends down and picks up the pieces of the console.

LT. PIER
(shocked)
Cardboard? Sir, did you realize that the set was made of cardboard?

PEACOCK
You hit the set to hard didn't you? You know we have a small budget.
Cardboard was all we could afford. Lieutenant Info, get us out of here.

Lt. Info pushes a button on the console in front of him. The ship leaves
and begins to weave back and forth as it goes, eventually it disappears
in a burst of light.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
Oh, and Lt. Pier, put that back together. Lt. Info, you're in charge.
Commander Biker and I must examine the weapons.

LT. PIER
Yes sir.

LT. INFO
Yes sir.

Biker and Peacock walk towards the door at the back of the set as Lt.
Pier sits down on the floor with the cardboard pieces in his hands and
looks at them bewilderedly. As the door opens we see two crew members on
each side of the door opening it for them. Peacock looks around toward
the camera.

PEACOCK
(sheepishly)
Oops, uh, you didn't see that.

He then shoves them out of our view then exits.

INT. ENDEVOR HALLWAY

Biker and Peacock walk along the hallway talking and passing a few crew
members, then they pass them again, and again. It soon becomes apparent
that they are using and reusing a short piece of hallway.

BIKER
(confused)
Weapons?

PEACOCK
Yes weapons. (to crew member) Hello Ensign Pulverizer, how's your
mother?

ENSIGN
She's doing just fine sir. Still a little busy with the injuries from
the emergency fuel, but other than that just great.

PEACOCK
That's good to hear. Tell her I said hello. (to Biker) You didn't think
we were going to fight them with our bare hands did you?

BIKER
Well, no, not exactly. I thought we were going to......

PEACOCK
(quickly interrupting)
Shhhh, we can't give away the ending yet!

BIKER
But we gave up the whole plot in the beginning.

PEACOCK
That was just to establish the plot. (to crew member) Hello Ensign
Pulverizer, how's your mother?

ENSIGN
She's doing just fine sir. Still a little busy with the injuries from
the emergency fuel, but other than that just great.

PEACOCK
That's good to hear. Tell her I said hello. (to Biker) Now where was I?
Oh yes, we can't give away the ending.

BIKER
(confused)
Sir, didn't we see him just a minute ago?

PEACOCK
Ummmm, they're twins. Yeah, that's it.

BIKER
Whatever you say sir. Well, here we are.

They come to a door and enter it.

INT. ENDEVOR WEAPONS ROOM

PEACOCK
Now let me see what we have here.

Peacock opens a cupboard and rummages through what looks like a bunch of
toys. Here's something for you Commander. He hands a studded leather
neck piece to Biker.

BIKER
Huh? What does it do.

PEACOCK
See that little button on the back? Well you push that and the studs
shoot whatever you're pointing it at.

Biker hits the button and one of the studs shoots out and then goes out
the door and around the corner. We hear a scream and a body thuds to the
ground.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're heat seeking.

He continues rummaging through the cupboard. After a few seconds he
pulls out a sparkly bra.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
This will be perfect for Counselor Trojan. It's an electric bra. If
someone besides her tries to take it off, they'll be electrocuted.

BIKER
Woah. Talk about protection.

Peacock goes back into the cupboard and pulls out a small pen.

PEACOCK
This is for Lieutenant LaForgery. It's a laser pen.

Peacock points the pen at the wall and pushes in the cap. A part of the
wall falls down revealing the inside of Trojans dressing room. Trojan is
stuffing her bra.

TROJAN
What are you doing in my dressing room!??

Biker stares at her in bewilderment.

PEACOCK
Sorry counseler.

TROJAN
Get out!

She yanks a curtain in front of the hole.

PEACOCK
(stares down at pen)
Wow, those special effects guys are better than I thought.

Peacock puts it down and then goes back into the cupboard. He pulls out
a fake tattoo of a ship.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
This is for Lieutenant Pier. If he puts this on his upper arm and flexes
his muscles poison will shoot straight out.

BIKER
I thought he poisoned people just by looking at them.

Peacock goes back to the cupboard and pulls out a calculator.

PEACOCK
Here's something for the doctor. Not only does it contain explosives, it
also can do math.

He goes back to the cupboard and pulls out a small encyclopedia

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
And of course, last but not least, Lieutenant Info. This is guaranteed
to bore your enemies to death if you read it word for word.

BIKER
That's what I call throwing the book at them. Now what about you sir?

Biker goes over to the cupboard and looks into it.

BIKER (CONT'D)
Ah ha! Now this is you Captain.

He pulls out a colorful feather duster. He then grabs a small piece of
paper.

BIKER (CONT'D)
(reading paper)
Let's see. It says here that this contains a pollen that will instantly
make your enemies sneeze uncontrollably.

PEACOCK
It also shrinks.

Peacock grabs it and pushes a button on it. The feathers slowly retract
into the handle which looks like a pen. He hangs it around his neck.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
Everyone also gets a Tazer as a last resort weapon.

BIKER
Tazers? Aren't they a bit, antiquated. You know, old?

PEACOCK
That's why they're only for use as a last resort. Now help me grab one
for everyone.

They grab a bunch of Tazers, small black boxes, from the cupboard and
leave the room.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

Everyone except for Peacock and Biker are there and everyone is
uncomfortably squished together in one spot.

ANGLE ON PIER

Lt. Pier is struggling with the cardboard pieces, as LaForgery watches.
He manages to put it back together and it immediately falls apart again.

LT. PIER
(annoyed)
I'm really going to have to talk to our producers about giving us a
bigger budget.

LAFORGERY
Can I try Lt. Pier?

LT. PIER
Sure go ahead.
(MORE)

He waves his hand at the cardboard in a hopeless motion.

LT. PIER (CONT'D)
I sure don't think you can hurt anything, that's for sure.

ANGLE ON LAFORGERY

LaForgery goes over to the door and pulls out a bottle of glue, about
half his size, labeled "Generic non-trademark infringing Super Glue," as
Lt. Info starts to watch the proceedings. LaForgery puts the glue on the
edges of the cardboard and then holds them together for a few minutes.

LAFORGERY
That should do the trick.

He tries to remove his hands from the cardboard, then looks up in panic.

LAFORGERY
Uh oh. They're stuck. What should I do?

He starts shaking the cardboard in an attempt to remove it.

LT. PIER
Just pull them off.

LAFORGERY
(whining)
But that'll hurt.

Lt. Pier looks at LaForgery in disgust and then walks over and yanks his
hands off the cardboard.

LAFORGERY
Ow! Ouch, ow, whine, mumble, mumble, profanity not allowed in movies of
this rating, ow, ouch ow, DOCTOR!

Dr. Pulverizer looks over at LaForgery in annoyance. She walks over
towards him, carrying her calculator, and sighs.

PULVERIZER
What is it this time?

LAFORGERY
That idiot (gesturing at Pier) pulled my hands off of generic super
glue.

Pulverizer examines LaForgery's hands and Info walks over.

LT. INFO
I have been watching the proceedings with interest and was wondering if
I may be of some assistance. After all, I do have much more extensive
knowledge than you do.

LaForgery and Pier look at Info in annoyance.

LT. PIER
(trying not to show his anger)
Sure, go ahead.

LAFORGERY
(whiny)
I suppose, although I don't see why YOU get to be the hero, and WE get
to look like idiots.

LT. INFO
Duh! Computers are FAR superior to organic life forms.

PULVERIZER
(annoyed)
Your hands are fine, LaForgery. Geez, you'd think that some people would
learn pain tolerance. And I was having such a good game of Tetris on my
calculator.

She walks away in disgust.

ANGLE ON INFO

Info examines the cardboard and then spends a minute putting it
together. It stays together.

LT. INFO
(satisfied)
Ah, I thought that would work.

The cardboard falls apart again. Info stares at it in astonishment.

LT. INFO
(shocked)
That's impossible! I used the latest knowledge of physics in my
examination of the cardboard's structure.

ANGLE ON PEIR AND LAFORGERY

LT. PIER
(smirking)
It seems that cardboard doesn't conform to the laws of physics.

LAFORGERY
So computers are superior to organic life forms, are they?

They slowly walk towards Info, who gets a scared look on his face and
backs slowly away.

LT. INFO
Hey guys, come on, I didn't mean it. I was just saying what the script
told me to say.

LAFORGERY
(looking at Pier)
He's got a point.

LT. PEIR
You're right. Lets find the writer!

The three immediately run off stage in search of the writer as Captain
Peacock and Commander Biker walk into the room. Peacock is dressed as
Santa Clause and Biker is dressed as an elf, but still wearing his
leather jacket, and carrying a large bag with several gift wrapped boxes
in it.

PEACOCK
(happily)
Everyone gather around and I'll distribute your brand new, state of the
art weapons.

The crew minus Pier, Info, and LaForgery gathers around Peacock and
Biker and they pass out the gifts.

TROJAN
Oooo, an electric bra. I can just imagine the possibilities.

She winks at Biker, who gulps audibly.

PULVERIZER
An exploding calculator? Wow, I always wanted an excuse to use
explosives.

BIKER
(to Peacock)
Why do I have to say this? The audience already knows what I got.

PEACOCK
(to Biker)
It's to give Pier, Info, and LaForgery time to find the writer. Now say
it!

BIKER
(monotone)
Oh wow. A studded neckpiece that shoots. Just what I always wanted.

PEACOCK
And I got a poison spreading feather duster. Neat, huh? Now where could
Pier, LaForgery, and Info be?

Immediately they appear bringing a very scared looking WRITER, wearing
taped glasses and dressed in a shirt with a pocket protector.

LT. PIER
(threateningly)
Okay, now just what did you mean about that "superior" comment?

WRITER
(nervously)
It was just one little line. I thought that any self respecting computer
would think he was superior to humans. Besides, it was for a comedic
effect. This is a parody after all.

Pier, Info, and LaForgery gather in a huddle and whisper, occasionally
popping their heads up to look at the writer.

LT. PEIR
Okay, we have a proposition to make.

WRITER
I'm not that kind of a writer.

LT. PEIR
Not that kind of a proposition! Geez, what a perv. Anyway, we'll let you
go without harming you if you tell us how we're supposed to get this
stupid thing back together.

WRITER
Is that what this was about? Now boys, I'll let you in on a little 20th
century secret.

He motions with his hand and they gather around him.

WRITER (CONT'D)
(whispering)
Duct tape. It fixes everything.

LaForgery, Pier, and Info straighten up as though they've seen a vision.

LT. PEIR
Of course, why didn't I think of that?

LAFORGERY
Doh! I'm such an idiot.

LT. INFO
Duct tape? That's so unscientific.

WRITER
(nervously)
Okay, gotta go!

He quickly runs off stage. LaForgery, Info and Pier duct tape the
cardboard back together with far more tape than necessary.

PIER
(satisfied)
And that, takes care of that.

Captain Peacock walks over to them.

PEACOCK
Now that we're done with the comedic interlude, I have your weapons for
you.

He hands the weapons to them which they stare at in awe.

LAFORGERY
Perfect.

INFO
I always wanted to be able to bore people to death.

LAFORGERY
(astonished)
You mean you didn't already?

Pier elbows LaForgery in the stomach.

LAFORGERY (CONT'D)
Owwwwwww! What was that for?

PIER
(ignoring LaForgery)
Now I have a reason for a tattoo. My Mommy would never let me get one
before.

LAFORGERY
Geez, and you call me a wimp.

He glares at Pier.

ANGLE ON INFO

Lt. Info looks at his console.

LT. INFO
Sir, the Hoard ship is now in range.

PEACOCK
Ah good. I'll have Chief O'Clock transport us over there so we can
destroy the ship from the inside.

Trojan walks over to Biker.

TROJAN
(seductively)
You know, you look kinda sexy in tights.

INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM

The transporter room is a plain room with a round pad on one side and a
single console on the other. CHEIF O'CLOCK is underneath a console when
the group walks in.

PEACOCK
Chief, I need you to transport us to the Hoard ship.

O'Clock slides out from under the console wearing a pair of eyeglasses
with a fake nose and mustache.

O'CLOCK
No problem guys.

Peacock and the others walk over to the pad as O'Clock gets up and
starts pushing buttons on the console, still wearing the glasses. They
disappear slowly with their mouths going last and turning into big grins
like the Cheshire cat.

INT. HOME SHOPPING NETWORK

The set is a typical home shopping network setup. A lady is in a dress
and wearing a necklace while numbers flash across the screen and the
crew slowly materializes.

PEACOCK
(confused)
What on earth?

LT. INFO
It would appear that we aren't on the correct set.

BIKER
O'Clock, you stupid idiot! You transported us to the wrong set!

O'CLOCK (O.S.)
Sorry guys. I guess I need to get some better, more expensive glasses.
I'll take care of it.

The cast starts to slowly disappear again.

LAFORGERY
(looking down at numbers on screen)
Hey, this would make a great present for my Mom. What's that number
again?

He pulls out a pencil and paper and scribbles down the number.

INT. HOARD PYRAMID

The crew slowly materializes in a small pyramid shaped room. Several
members of the Hoard are on the walls. A giant red button with self-
destruct button is in the center of the room, and the walls are covered
with tiny buttons and various items such as pipes, fans, etc.

PEACOCK
Okay, now lets try and find a self-destruct button somewhere in this
place.

He and the others begin to look frantically at all the mini buttons on
the walls.

BIKER
Could it be that really big one labeled self-destruct on the floor?

PEACOCK
(ignoring button)
No. It's way to obvious.

BIKER
Shouldn't we push it and find out?

PEACOCK
Fine, push the button.

BIKER
I think I will.

Biker walks over to the button and is about to jump on it when the Hoard
members on the walls start to move and attack the crew.

HOARD MEMBER
Resistance is futile. You will be compacted.

ANGLE ON INFO

Info is fighting with very robot-like moves. A Hoard member comes up and
tears off the front of his chest showing a bunch of Christmas lights
twinkling inside. CAMERA ZOOMS OUT to show everything stopping and
everyone staring at him.

LT. INFO
(matter of factly)
The budget struck again.

The cast nods in understanding and the fighting continues as a crew
member runs in and sticks the chest piece back on Info.

ANGLE ON LAFORGERY

LaForgery goes over to the wall and rips a pair of nun chucks chucks off
the wall and starts twirling them around and kicking like a martial
artist.

SFX: KUNG FU FIGHTING

LAFORGERY
Heeeya!

ANGLE ON HOARD member rolling his eyes.

LaForgery continues his martial-arts stance in front of the Hoard
member, then hits himself on the head with the nun chuck and collapses
on the ground. A Batman-like "KABLAM" splashes onto the screen.

The cast stops fighting and turns to face the camera.

CAST
(singing)
Nana nana nana nana, BATMAN!

The cast goes back to fighting.

DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Great, that just cost us a copyright infringement lawsuit.

A PHONE RINGS

PEACOCK
Huh? This isn't in the script.

ANGLE ON PEIR

LT. PEIR
Whoops! It's my cell phone.

He pulls it out of his back pocket and begins talking while continuing
to fight, punching Hoard members and ducking while talking.

LT. PEIR (CONT'D)
Hello? Honey, this is not a good time. I know it's our anniversary but I
have a job. I'll be home tonight, okay? Love you too, bye.

Pier closes his phone and puts it back in his pocket.

LT. PEIR (CONT'D)
(shrugging shoulders)
Women. Can't live with them and can't live without them.

A Hoard member comes up and hits Pier into the camera which falls on the
ground and is ANGLED ON THE CEILING of the set. SOUNDS OF FIGHTING
continue. Cast members fly over the camera. As the cameraman works on
putting it back up his head occasionally pops into view.

CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
(shouting)
Hey, you knocked camera down you morons!

LT. PEIR (O.S.)
I can see that. It isn't my fault. I got pushed into it.

CAMERAMAN(O.S.)
Well you could at least come help me with this thing. Geez, we need a
new stunt coordinator, or at least new stunt doubles.

The camera TILTS BACK SHAKILY to the set and we see everyone standing
around with their backs to the camera in front of a television playing a
fight scene from a movie.

CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
Hey, it's back up now!

Everyone jumps and turns around to face the camera sheepishly and then
begin to fight again.

LT. INFO
Shouldn't we be using our weapons to fight the Hoard rather than our
hands?

The crew looks at one another and simultaneously hit themselves on the
head.

ANGLE ON BIKER

BIKER
Good idea.

He takes off his collar and pushes the button and shoots a missile. It
heads toward a member of the Hoard, stops turns around in mid-air and
hits Biker who collapses on the ground.

ANGLE ON INFO

Lt. Info pulls out his encyclopedia and begins reading it.

LT. INFO
(monotone)
William Andrew Pogany was a mural painter, designer for the theater, and
illustrator for of Children's books. Among the more than 125 books which
he illustrated are The Welsh Fairy Book, The Hungarian Fairy Book,
and The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. He was born in Szeged, Hungary
and...

Info suddenly falls asleep and collapses on the ground and starts to
snore loudly.

ANGLE ON LAFORGERY

LaForgery pulls out his pen and begins firing it at the Hoard.

LAFORGERY
Take that, and that and that!

ANGLE ON HOARD MEMBERS looking confused and not moving. LaForgery looks
down at his hand.

LAFORGERY (CONT'D)
Oh no! I'm holding it backwards! No wonder my hand hurts.

He looks at his hand and faints.

ANGLE ON PULVERIZER

Pulverizer looks at the calculator in her hand in confusion.

PULVERIZER
I wonder how this thing works.

ANGLE ON TROJAN

Trojan walks seductively up to a Hoard member.

TROJAN
(flirtatiously)
I seem to be having trouble with my bra. Would you like to help me take
it off?

ANGLE ON HOARD MEMBER gulping.

HOARD MEMBER
Sure. Anything to get laid, er, I mean, anything for a lady.

Trojan turns around and the Hoard member unsnaps her bra.

TROJAN'S FACE is full of evil anticipation. When nothing happens she
looks down in shock and reaches into her shirt, pulling out a battery
labeled "Supervolt."

TROJAN
(screaming)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

ANGLE ON PULVERIZER

Pulverizer continues looking at the calculator in her hand bewilderdly.
She pushes a button hesitantly.

PULVERIZER
(curiously)
I wonder if this will work.
(MORE)

Nothing happens.

PULVERIZER (CONT'D)
Ah well, back to the drawing board.

ANGLE ON PEACOCK

Peacock pulls out the feather duster and brandishes it around like a
sword. He violently shakes the feather duster around, then starts to
sneeze uncontrollably.

PEACOCK
Achoo! I, achoo, forgot that, achoo, I'm allergic, achoo, to feather
dusters.

Peacock sneezes so much he collapses on the floor.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

The cast is chained to the wall and several Hoard members are huddled
around talking to each other.

HOARD MEMBER
(ominously)
You are our prisoners. We will torture you using the most deadly and
dasterdly form of torture known to man. (a beat) You must do the
macarena.

He bangs on the wall and several chunks fall off of it.

SFX: MACARENA

Hearing the music everyone simultaneously but Info puts their hands on
their ears.

PEACOCK
Oh God! Anything but that.

BIKER
Put us in boiling oil...

LAFORGERY
Use Chinese Indian torture....

TROJAN
Take the stuffing out of my bra....

ALL
But don't make us do the macarena.

Info looks at them in curiosity.

INFO
But I like the macarena.

Everyone stares at Info in disbelief then they all throw tomatos at him.
They then all start to do the macarena grimacing. Info is continuously
out of synch.

ANGLE ON PULVERIZER

Pulverizer is doing the macarena still holding her calculator in her
hand.

PULVERIZER
One of these buttons has to do something.
(MORE)

She pushes several more buttons with no result.

PULVERIZER (CONT'D)
Five times five equals twenty five.
(MORE)

BLANK CALCULATOR

Pulverizer shakes the calculator and pushes some buttons.

PULVERIZER (CONT'D)
(annoyed)
Great, now the batteries are dead.

She reaches down and opens the battery pack and finds a button labeled
"Timer."

PULVERIZER (CONT'D)
(puzzled)
Hummm, I wonder what this does?

She hits the button. The front of the calculator where the numbers are
displayed counts down from twenty five. A hoard member noticing she is
playing with her calculator comes over by her.

HOARD MEMBER
Give me that! Now keep doing the macarena!

He grabs the calculator and walks over towards the other hoard members.
The calculator explodes blowing him and the other hoard members into pop
cans.

PULVERIZER
(nasal tone)
Oops, did I do that?

BIKER
Let's get out of here before they make us listen to the Spice Girls!

PEACOCK
We're still chained to the wall dummy!

He smacks Biker on the head. Out of nowhere appears CAPTAIN CRISCO, a
medium height man with a huge afro.

CRISCO
Where am I?

He looks around and sees the crew chained to the wall.

ANGLE ON CRISCO'S confused FACE

PEACOCK
(astonished)
Captain Crisco? I think you're in the wrong parody.

LT. PEIR
(nervously)
Uh oh. Captain Crisco.

CRISCO
Lt. Pier! Why are you here instead of on the station? Lt. Wax is looking
all over for you.

TROJAN
Lt. Wax? Wait a second, what happened to me!?

LT. PIER
(thinking quickly)
Uhhhh, you're in one of those mirror universes Captain. Yeah, that's it!

Biker looks over at Trojan in astonishment.

BIKER
(hurt)
Wait a second, you and Lt. Pier are, uh you know? What about me.

TROJAN
(nervously)
That was a long time ago.

CRISCO
(rolling eyes)
Oh great another mirror universe. Now how do I get back to mine.

INFO
Before you go, can you get us out of these chains?

CRISCO
Um, okay I guess so.

He pulls out a phaser and shoots the chains releasing the crew.

BIKER
Let's blow this joint, (beat) literally!

He runs over and stomps on the self-destruct button.

COMPUTER (V.O.)
This ship will self-destruct in exactly ninety seconds.

PEACOCK
(hits button on shirt)
O'Clock beam us over.

The entire crew disappears including Crisco.

INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM

The crew materializes. Crisco walks around in confusion.

O'CLOCK
(in horror)
Captain Crisco!

CRISCO
O'Clock, you're here too? What kind of mirror universe is this anyway?

O'Clock walks over to Pier.

O'CLOCK
(to Pier)
Mirror universe?

LT. PIER
(shrugging shoulders)
It was the only thing I could think of to explain why we're here. If he
figures out we're on two ships we're screwed.

O'CLOCK
Good idea. I'll beam him back to the station and when this assignment is
over we can both go back there too and no one will have a clue we're
working on two ships.

He walks over to the console and pushes some buttons. Crisco slowly
disappears.

BIKER
(to Trojan)
So, how long ago is a long time ago.

Lt. Pier overhears and comes over by them.

PIER
(smirking)
About four days.

O'Clock overhears and walks over by them.

O'CLOCK
(grinning)
Hey, he's not the only one.

BIKER
(loudly)
Will everyone here who has had intimate relations with Counselor Trojan
please raise their hand.
(MORE)

Everyone in the room raises their hand including Pulverizer. Biker looks
around the room in horror.

BIKER (CONT'D)
How could you do this to me?

TROJAN
(sighing)
I'm a counselor. I had to find some way to improve their morale. Would
it make you feel better if I told you it was while I was on duty?

BIKER
(muttering)
Maybe. But what about Dr. Pulverizer?

TROJAN
(shrugging)
Hey, it worked for everyone else.

PEACOCK
The Hoard Pyramid should be blowing up any minute now.

The crew walks over towards some windows on the wall.

EXT. HOARD PYRAMID

A small pyramid comes out of a hole in the larger pyramid and then the
large pyramid blows up. Distortions appear around the small pyramid and
it disappears into a strange warped looking hole.

Biker raises his arm and points his finger into the air.

BIKER
Follow that pyramid!

Biker's mouth moves and second or two afterwards we hear the words. This
continues to happen.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

LAFORGERY
Woah! How did we get here?

BIKER
One of the benefits of the movies. Instant teleportation. Neat isn't it?

LAFORGERY
Way cool.
(MORE)

He suddenly looks at the camera in confusion.

LAFORGERY (CONT'D)
Is it just me or is something funky happening?

Biker walks up directly in front of the camera and peers into the screen
with his eye.

BIKER
Hum, it appears that the sound is out of synch. This should take care of
it.

He hits the camera on the side and the screen moves to one side. The
sound matches the words again.

LAFORGERY
Hello? Testing. Testing, one, two, three.

He looks over at Biker.

BIKER
(satisfied)
Yup. That took care of it. Sometimes these technical gizmos need the
human touch.

Captain Peacock sits down in his chair.

PEACOCK
Any idea where the last pyramid disappeared to?

INFO
There appeared to be a temporal distortion before the ship disappeared
sir. My guess is that it went back in time.

PEACOCK
Back in time? We can't follow that, can we?

BIKER
Maybe if we can find the hole that the lawyer came through we can find
the pyramid.

INFO
That seems like the most appropriate way Captain.

PEACOCK
Yeah, but there's no way that we'll ever be able to find it.

TROJAN
Maybe it's where all those arrows are pointing.

The crew stares at her.

TROJAN (CONT'D)
What? Haven't you ever heard of brains and beauty. Now look outside.

The crew looks at the television.

EXT. ENDEVOR

A large white hole is in the middle of space. There are black letters on
it spelling "Time Hole." Large neon arrows are pointing towards it.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

INFO
(amazed)
It does appear to be a time hole, Sir.

All the male members of the crew glare at Trojan while she smirks.

TROJAN
Told you so.

PEACOCK
Well, into the hole I guess.

EXT. TIME HOLE

The ship goes into the hole, which is a large white circle of paper. As
they go through the paper rips and tears. The whole thing has a "cheap"
look. A few seconds after the ship goes through the lawyer does also.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

LT. PIER
(curiously)
Just out of curiosity, why did the script have us go back in time?

INFO
(shrugging shoulders)
It's obligatory. After all there has never been a Star Trek that didn't
go back in time and this is a parody.

LT. PIER
You have a point.

SFX: BEEPING SOUNDS

Lt. Info looks at the console in front of him and looks horrified.

INFO
Captain, the lawyer appears to have followed us back somehow.

PEACOCK
(terrified)
Oh no! What else can go wrong?

SFX: BEEPING SOUNDS

Info looks at his console.

INFO
Captain, it appears that several members of the Hoard have beamed down
to the surface and twentieth century history is changing while we speak.

PEACOCK
(rolling eyes)
I had to ask.
(MORE)

He pauses for a second to think.

PEACOCK (CONT'D)
Okay, Info, Pier and LaForgery, go down to the surface and destroy those
Hoard members before they can do any more damage. The rest of us will
stay up here and figure out how to destroy the pyramid.

Info, Pier and LaForgery disappear in beams of light. Biker walks up to
Peacock.

BIKER
(thoughtfully)
Sir, I may have an idea.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

Info, Pier and LaForgery appear in a typical residential area of a
twentieth century city during the 1960's. It's Halloween so children in
costumes are walking the streets and there are pumpkins with candles in
them. When they appear a KID walks up to them.

KID
Neat costume, mister. You should be able to get lots of candy with
those.

LaForgery
(confused)
Candy?

KID
Yeah, isn't that why you're dressed in costumes?

LT. PEIR
No, actually we're looking for.....Oof!

LaForgery elbows him in the stomach.

KID
Who you looking for? Maybe I can help.

Info prints a picture out of his chest of a Hoard member and shows it to
him.

INFO
We're looking for some guys who look like this.

KID
Geez, those look like rejects from a sci-fi movie. I've never seen them,
but maybe as we trick-or-treat you can ask people if they've seen them.

Info, Pier, and LaForgery look at each other.

INFO
Good idea. We'll do that.

They walk off towards a house with the kid following them.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

PEACOCK
(disbelief)
You want us to do what?

BIKER
(calmly)
I want us to go talk to the lawyer.

PEACOCK
But it was going to sue us? What makes you think that it won't now.

BIKER
(grinning evilly)
It won't. Just trust me.

PEACOCK
This better work. Ensign Pulverizer, set a course for the lawyer.

ENSIGN
Yes Captain.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship makes a U-turn and heads towards the lawyer figure.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

MONTAGE SEQUENCE:

SFX: BLUES MUSIC

1. EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Info is showing a woman the picture. She slams the door in their faces.

2. EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

A man slams the door in their faces.

3. EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

A child slams the door in their faces.

4. EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

DOOR SHUTTING

END MONTAGE:

EXT. ENDEVOR

The lawyer moves and holds up the paper in front of the ship.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

ENSIGN
The lawyer is straight ahead sir.

PEACOCK
Biker, I hope you know what you're doing.

BIKER
(quietly)
So do I sir, so do I.
(MORE)

He takes a deep breath and moves to the front of the room.

BIKER (CONT'D)
Now turn on the speakers.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

Info, Pier and LaForgery are tugging huge bags of candy behind them. The
kid is still hanging around. They walk up to one last house and ring the doorbell.

KID
Trick-or-treat!

WOMAN
Here you go.

She hands him some candy.

INFO
Excuse me. Could you tell me if you've ever seen anyone looking like
this around.

He holds up the picture.

WOMAN
Yes, actually I did earlier tonight, but some FBI agents named Mulder
and Scully came and took them away.

LT. PIER
Thank you very much.

They turn around and walk away.

LAFORGERY
What do we do now?

KID
(excitedly)
Go to Area 51!

They look at each other.

INT. ENDEVOR

Biker has a loudspeaker in his hand.

BIKER
(conversationally)
I understand why you're trying to sue us. I really do, but you see, it
isn't our fault. You see that pyramid over there.
(MORE)

EXT. ENDEVOR

The lawyer nods his head.

INT. ENDEVOR

BIKER (CONT'D)
Well, they're the ones you need to sue. They're the ones who created us.
We didn't have anything to do with it. Besides, we don't have any money
to sue for.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The lawyer transforms into a ship and heads towards the pyramid. The
pyramid head towards the ship and compacts it, turning it into another
pyramid and they attach together. A few seconds later they both blow up.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

BIKER
You see sir. They self-destructed rather than have anything to do with a
lawyer.

The crew cheers and yells. Party hats and confetti appear. A disco ball
drops down from the ceiling. Peacock pats Biker on the back.

PEACOCK
Good work.

BIKER
Thank you sir.

SFX: DISCO MUSIC

He then starts dancing. Trojan walks up to Biker.

TROJAN
(seductively)
My hero.

They kiss.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

INFO
There is no need to go there. The Hoard members will self-destruct
rather than have anything to do with the FBI.

LAFORGERY
(to kid)
Thank you for your help. We appreciate it.

KID
No problem. I enjoyed it.

LT. PEIR
Just out of curiosity what's your name?

KID
Chris Carter.

Info, Pier, and LaForgery look at each other as they disappear.

INT. ENDEVOR HELM

Info, Pier, and LaForgery beam into the room.

LT. PIER
Mission completed sir. The Hoard members have been destroyed.

PEACOCK
Good job. Let's go home now.

EXT. ENDEVOR

The ship goes back through the hole. As it goes it changes into a
pyramid rather than a bird.

INT. ENDEVOR BRIDGE

Everyone is now wearing costumes more similar to the Hoard members and
the set looks more like the inside of the Hoard ship.

SFX: A BEEP

INFO
Captain, the Admiral is hailing us.

PEACOCK
On screen.

A man appears on a large screen in the front of the bridge.

ADMIRAL
Congratulations Captain. You completed your mission successfully. The
rouge Hoard pyramid was destroyed, and the fact that two Hoard members
were left in FBI custody alive has now allowed us to have a greater
understanding and more peaceful relations with the Hoard. For that we've
decided to make you an Admiral. Congratulations.

ANGLE ON PEACOCK's PEACOCK's confused face.

FADE OUT