Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.current,rec.arts.startrek.misc,
alt.startrek.creative
Subject: Update: (humor) 55 Reasons Why Captain Janeway is Better Than
Captain Picard
Date: 16 Aug 1995 04:34:44 GMT

This is the latest installment of the (humor) piece "Reasons Why
Captain Janeway is Better Than Captain Picard." A few items have been
revised, updated, deleted, and/or added since the last time. As always,
if you have any additions you would like to make, send them to me
at gmonsen@hou.lbl.gov. Enjoy!

Gerard Monsen

REASONS WHY CAPTAIN JANEWAY IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN PICARD

1. One word: hair
2. More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
(10)
3. Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
4. Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
5. Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
6. Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
7. Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
8. Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit
they're lost and pull over for directions. (1)
9. Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way
through. (2)
10. Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
11. Looks better in sleepwear. (2)
12. Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
13. Isn't French with an English accent. (3)
14. "Get that cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either,
but I loved that line!
15. Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
(3)
16. Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to
convince them to behave better. (4)
17. Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo. (4)
18. She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
(4)
19. Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles. (5)
20. Ackowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of
trying to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
21. 15 episodes without surrendering the ship.
22. 15 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
23. Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs.
Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniuses who yet again take over
the ship.
24. She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.(5)
25. Picard: Three words: Stretch velour jhodpurs (7)
Janeway: Three words: Form fitting uniform (5)
26. Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic! (based on 5 and
6)
27. Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a
shirt; Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network
television. (based on 5, 6, 7)
28. Cheese
29. Doesn't force her crew to wear stupid outfits, unless it is to blend
in with a primitive planet. (5)
30. She is smart enough not to waste time learning foreign languages.
All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
31. Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
32. Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
33. Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
34. Her telepath only lives nine years. (12)
35. Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone
before" and took them to the extreme. (based on 5)
36. Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day
come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the
deadliest of force".
37. Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail. (based on 5,6)
38. The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only
Worf could stomach. (9)
39. Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off. (9)
40. Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
(10)
41. Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy,
Paris, are YOU ever stupid." (10)
42. Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
43. Hugs her Vulcan from time to time. (10)
44. Has a more manly voice.(13)
45. Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight
spot. (11)
46. Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish! (11)
47. Kes. Troi. No contest.
48. Nealix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
49. At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she
wants something to drink.
50. Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles. (12)
51. Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy. (12)
52. Her CONN officer can use contractions.
53. Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
54. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the
ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
55. To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her
spirit guide. Picard's first officer helps him get... to Risa.

Acknowledgements

This list was created by Gerard Monsen (gmonsen@hou.lbl.gov). If you
have any suggestions, please e-mail them to me. The master list is held
at http://hou.lbl.gov/~gmonsen/janeway.html I would like to thank the
following people for their contributions:

(1) Karyn Lou, KarynLou@aol.com
(2) Richard Hanson
(3) Davide Hawkins, dhawk@well.com
(4) Dee Elling, dee@sybase.com
(5) Jeffrey K. Stier
(6) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard" by
Hemi and the Frakmaster
(7) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better Than Captain Kirk" by
the Patrick Stewart Estrogen Brigade (I didn't make this up).
(8) "Top One Hundred Reasons Why Cmmdr. Sisko is Better Than Both of 'Em!" by
Admiral Wombat
(9) Matthew Carlton, mcarlton@math.ucla.edu
(10) Randy Patton, Randy.Patton@vt.edu
(11) Terry Arzola, arzola@austin.cc.tx.us
(12) Seth Dilday, seth@aplus.com
(13) Mikael G. Haxby, poirot@crocker.com
(14) James Railton, Jeannie.Dickie@cyberstore.ca

From: Brian Meyers <brian419@flash.net>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: Top 8 reasons Janeway is better than Picard
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 1997 18:46:03 -0600

8. Picard was assimilated by the Borg, and had his mind and body
contolled by them against his will. Janeway out-negotiates the Borg.
7. Picard can't win a arguement with his First Officer, even when he's
right. Janeway can't lose one, even when she's wrong.
6. Janeway can count. Chakotay isn't "Number One" because he's SECOND in
command.
5. Janeway get's the most mismatched crewi n the galaxy to work together
perfectly, Picard hated diplomats.
4. Janewau was once on dopamine and DROVE HER SHIP INTO A BINARY STAR!
3. Her crew didn't kill her afterwards.
2. Picard tries to talk to his enemies, reach a better understanding,
get in touch with their feelings, etc. Janeway once told her enemies, "I
don't like you."
1. Hair.