ftp.cam.org/users/malak/startrek This contains a lot of songs, humour and other Star Trek stuff I've collected over time mostly from the Net. I didn't write most of it; any questions should be directed to the author of the specific piece in question. If I'm archiving something that's yours, and you don't want me to, please tell me -- my address is malak&pobox.com (&=@) For an MS-DOS utility to decompress these files, go to http://www.winzip.com If you visit, A) drop me a line at malak&pobox.com (&=@) (it's nice to know my site is being used :)) B) tell me if you like anything C) tell me if you have anything to add D) have any corrections aardvark.zip An adventure of the 123 Aardvark. Ro is in it, people sing on the bridge, and are generally silly amock.zip "Amok Time" done with the Voyager Crew antigrav.zip Antigrav generators explained antiwes.zip An episode aboard the USS Antiwesley -- according to the author, Star Trek's answer to "Down Periscope" baday.zip Deanna Troi has a bad day, so she takes it out on the crew, particularly on the Wuss. THEN, she's demoted to yeoman bardsong.zip The words to the song Chief O'Brien and Captain Maxwell sang batleth.jpg A .jpg of a Bat'leth bathroom.zip A bathroom adventure by the 1701-D crew bettersw.zip 10 reasons why Star Trek is better than Star Wars bettjane.zip 55 reasons why Janeway is better than Picard bloodwin.zip suggestions on how to make bloodwine bored.zip How various Star Trek characters would behave in a corporate meeting borgend.zip An episode outline that lampoons the destruction of the Borg collective by infecting it with the Microsoft Windows environment (pre-Windows '95 ie. Win 3.1) borgfaq.zip The Borg FAQ borgisms.zip A variety of expressions, references, well known phrases, and so on rewritten into a Borg context borgjoke.zip Borg Jokes borgles.zip Various Beatles' songs rewritten to a Borg theme borglist.zip A variety of top ten lists related to the borg borgnews.zip An electronic archive of Borg related humour, facts, trivia and so on presented in magazine format borgquee.zip A song dedicated to the Borg Queen from ST:First Contact borgshak.zip Hamlet's and Mark Antony's siloloquies rewritten to a Borg theme borgsong.zip A collection of borg songs including "Always look on the Borg side of life", "Living in the Borg", a take off of "Living on the Edge" by Aerosmith, a collection of rewritten Christmas songs within a Borg context, and "One, Two Borg Ships" brady.zip A Voyager story written in Brady Bunch style budgetcu.zip The crew of the 1701-D get jobs in a supermarket due to Starfleet budget cuts bulbs.zip Star Trek light bulb jokes, including a couple of quick stories about how light bulbs are changed on TNG and DS9 candkirk.zip Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" dedicated to Kirk canonic.zip Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" rewritten to a ST:TNG theme captains.zip A list of all the captains of the USS Enterprise cards.zip Paris sends Janeway a Valentine's card on Chakotay's behalf Sexually explicit at one point castmix.zip A lampoon extension of a Voyager scene involving 7 of 9 and Chakotay in which many of the characters from previous Star Trek incarnations are involved. Suggestive premise catsds9.zip The DS9 crew is recast by cats censors.zip Picard dresses up as Mr. Clean; a parody of the anti-NC-17 postings thread in alt.startrek.creative cheftrek.zip A lampoon of a TNG crossover with the Swedish Chef from the Muppets and of course budget cuts cher.zip Imagine the song Cher would have sung had she been the Borg Queen in ST: First Contact! chess3d.zip A basic representation of how 3D chess from Star Trek looks and a detailed look at 3D chess coffee.zip A DS9 personal log discussing the coffee gifts the person is giving for Christmas compare.zip Dave's Comparative Commander Analysis -- a humourous view on a few situations from Trek and how each Star Trek Captain would handle it data95.zip What might happen if Data were Windoze '95 compatible deadchek Someone answers the question, "Who would you kill off?" dearkord.zip "Dear Kordite" #5, from a series of humourous advice columns written by a Klingon deep6666.zip Adventures aboard Deep Space 666 deepspac.zip A transcription of Majel Barrett-Rodenberry reading from the DS9 "bible" deltaslo.zip Agent Sloane visits Voyager with a special mission, but Voyager outsmarts him by guessing at all of his technology demon.zip An alternate plotline to the Voyager episode "Demon" dilbert.zip Scott Adams of Dilbert fame tells why he thinks the future won't be like Star Trek dragtrek.zip Various Trek characters dress up in drag drunktre.zip "Way Hey and Join the Starfleet" to the tune of "What Shall we do With a Drunken Sailor?" ds9paro.zip silly parodies of DS9 ds9scrip.zip Sisko has a nightmare about a visit from script writers and the trouble that might result duckman.zip A Trek/Duckman crossover eugenics.zip A quick rationalization of the Eugenics War given the realities of the '90s fart.zip Janeway suffers from a crewman's fart ferengi.zip .gifs of the Ferengi alphabet feud.zip The Enterprise-D crew discover a TV showing "Family Feud" flame.zip A scenario of what might happen if the Prime Directive didn't exist foil.zip A supermarket tabloid on the various Star Trek events fun.zip Teaching some of our characters how to have a bit of fun funnycha.zip Lampoon character profiles of the Borg and the Q funnythi.zip 10 funny things to try on the Enterprise gagh.zip a meal of gagh from the point of view of the gagh! galactic.zip A gif of the Star Trek galaxy games.zip (KILLING) GAMES ON HOLODECKS, to the tune of "Games without Frontiers" gardener.zip A parody of the ST:Voyager pilot gigafish.zip The crew of Voyager get "Gigapets" givestar.zip "Give me a Starship" to the tune of Janice Joplin' "Mercedez Benz" gooship.zip Filk about the Daemon-ship sung to "The Good Ship Lollipop" grimm.zip Some Voyager/Brothers Grimm fables crossovers headline.zip Headline-like captions and other situations with Star Trek references herekitt.zip Geordie, Riker & Worf try to get rid of Spot, Data's cat humoreps.zip Humourous synopses of all TOS episodes and episodes from the first 3 seasons of TNG ifdrseus.zip A ST:TNG episode written in Dr. Seuss style and rhyme imouther.zip "I'm Out Here", lyrics writtne to the ST:Voyager theme interste.zip "Interstellar Journey" to the tune of "Sentimental Journey" jakevoya.zip A DS9/Voyager Parody in which Jake Sisko is discovered to be the author of a series of books -- in the "real world", the episodes -- about a Starship stranded in the Delta Quadrant janedrun.zip Janeway gets drunk and wakes up in her bed ... but not alone janeway.zip "Because I'm Janeway" to the tune of "My Way" jury.zip A fictionalized version of a supposed true occurence in which a Klingon shows up for jury duty kickarse.zip the captains of the various ships get together to take over the galaxy killbaby.zip suggestions on how to dispose of the baby of obviously pregnant B'Ellana Torres kiraxo.zip Lists of reasons why Kira is the best 1st officer of all Treks kirkbeer.zip George Samuel Kirk is worried about little Jimmy kirkpica.zip A TOS/TNG crossover covering some of the cultural differences lament.zip "Janeway's Lament", a song about the Voyager situation lament2.zip "Lament of the Voyager Crew", sung to the tune of "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" laughing.zip The Laughing Vulcan and his Dog leola.zip People revolt against Neelix's cooking liketrek.zip Someone giving their reasons why they like Star Trek lovelist.zip The TOS love list lovevoya.zip Voyager is a cruise ship macarena.zip The macarena rewritten to a TNG theme mamaries.zip What 7 of 9 might play in her quarters when no one is listening microtre.zip The Enterprise is infected with Windoze '98 misting.zip Various Trek stories were lampooned in the style of Mystery Science Theatre; one of them is one of Don's stories moral.zip The Enterprise-D gets it for being the "More Holy Than Thou" types we all know they are :) movie.zip The "Star Trek: the Happy Face Generation" movie. Janeway looks for her lost chicken. See the file voyaparo.zip mrstroi.zip Mrs. Troi is entertaining Veyoun for dinner needyreb.zip A bunch of dull-witted Maquis "break out" of prison and continue their activities neversee.zip Things we will never see on Star Trek noses.zip A song to the Flinstones tune about how all aliens are identified by their funny nose jobs ohwhatab.zip "Oh What a Beautiful Starship", sung to "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" from "Oklahoma!" paradox.zip a pesky Federation Time Cop shows up on Voyager parkay.zip Neelix meets Parkay margarine parody.zip The smurfs take on the role of the Borg phrases.zip A top ten list of phrases unlikely to be heard on the Enterprise, by Troy Demonbreun and whose source is: http://www.wwns.com/nexus/topten.html picard.zip 101 reasons why Picard is better than Kirk plotcomp.zip A humourous "test" asking about the various plot complications in Star Trek politica.zip Politically correct terms for Star Trek pooh.zip A Pooh Bear android, created by Data, is a member of the TNG crew and among other things saves the day from the Borg primer.zip A parody of a children's book that would explain Star Trek to people python.zip Ensign Kim WANTS to be "assimilated" by 7 of 9 qpranks.zip A list of pranks at the Q academy qtrelane.zip Q and Trelane meet ratingfo.zip "Ratings For Nothing", filk on DS9 to the tune of "Money for Nothing" recipes.zip Various Earth equivalents of Star Trek foods recycle.zip What they do with all the bodies of the characters who are killed in ST redalert.zip What would happen on Voyager during a red alert when the lights get too dim. Neelix becomes a vegetable. Has some sexual references redneck.zip "Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if..." revenge1.zip A story in which Chakotay takes revenge on a fanfic writer romulans.zip Ascii art of the Romulan logo and announcement of Romulan web site and IRC server rules.zip The Ferengi Rules of Aquisition schart.zip A .gif of the Star Trek Galaxy scorpion.zip Various reviews/criticisms of the the Voyager episodes "Scorpion I & II" ships.zip An FAQ listing the ships in Star Trek shorts.zip The "Happy Face Generation" Summer Shorties shuttle.zip A love poem from the captain to the Enterprise sisko.zip Reasons why Sisko is the best Trek captain sloane.zip Agent Sloane visits Julian -- but finds his seat unconfortable! smaltrek.zip "It's a Trek World after all" Trek filk to the tune of "It's a Small World After All" smoke.zip Chakotay and Tuvok discover that Janeway has been smoking sneeze.zip The Ent-D crew try to escape the Romulans by usings a coordinated sneeze songs.zip Various Star Trek Songs spamtrek.zip Two scripts to ST lampoons, in which Wes brings aboard a presumed evil alien artifact and during which all hopes he gets killed, and the second during which the crew must deal with Paul Daniels, the magician. Full of lampoons that cover many of those predictable moments in ST spockxo.zip Lists of reasons why Spock is the best 1st officer of all Treks st-lists.zip An "official" list of various trivia about ST, such as cast lists, original airdates & sysnopses, trivia, etc. staffmee.zip the Paramount PTB talk about a new Trek movie star100.zip various top ten lists about Star Trek startrek.zip "Not the Technical Manual" that explains various ST phenomena stpar.zip A parody of a generic TNG episode in which the Romulans and Q appear and a generic TOS episode in which the Klingons appear but nobody can agree which way is up stplussw.zip A quick look at what Star Trek and Star Wars would be like were they combined strange.zip Star Trek: The Strange Generation. A combination of the many crews stud1.zip My idea of a parodied TOS episode student.zip A TNG parody in the form of a screenplay st_email.zip A log from the final moments of the TOS Enterprise that was having problems with its disk drive space allocation st_theme.zip An article on the various themes in Star Trek supershi.zip A fanfic description of a new, very powerful Federation ship swapday.zip Part one of a DS9 story in which the officers swap jobs tatoo.zip People on DS9 speculate about Odo and a tatoo teatrek.zip The "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" gang save the crew from tea serving Borg tech2.zip various fanfic tech writeups on federation ships technoba.zip Typical Star Trek technobabble thegift.zip An alternate, unknown ending to Voyager's "The Gift" in which Q is actually the benefactor of 10 years off of the voyage thesearc.zip Star Trek -- The New Generation -- The Search for the Lost Episode. Data's head gets guillotined and replaced with an earlier, experimental version using Pentium v.1 timeline.zip A timeline of the Star Trek Universe times.zip Yet another TOS/TNG in which the ego battles between the two crews continue tnap2.zip TNAP2: The Wreath of Santa Cruise (aka What the...?), includes various April Fool's Jokes and DS9 wants the Enterprise-E, so Picard and Sisko square off tngeulog.zip An eulogy written about the end of TNG tngshake.zip Various sonnets about various TNG characters toilet.zip How people REALLY go to the bathroom on Voyager toleranc.zip A twist on the "A word on tolerance" thread in ASC toon.zip The Voyager crew become cartoons torresic.zip B'Ellana Torres gets sick ... watch out! trekking.zip "Star Trekking Across the Universe," a Star Trek filk song trekline.zip Trek pick up lines trekmas.zip various Trek Christmas items trekmash.zip ST scenes in which the M*A*S*H gang play the parts trekques.zip A Star Trek trivia questionaire I wrote up a few years ago treksong.zip Star Trek references sung to the tune "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel trektale.zip TOS characters, now old foggies, encounter a bunch of teenagers and quote old episodes trektech.zip The TNG cast are now doing tech support for the Federation software branch triborg.zip What might happen if the Borg assimilated the tribbles troll.zip An ugly troll pops in on the Promenade of DS9 tugs.zip A couple of descriptions of Federation Tugs tuvokani.zip Tuvok is interviewed by the Animaniacs valentin.zip A "Love Boat" and TNG parody in which Data tries to understand love and kills the Wuss in the process vedeks.zip A DS9 parody voyaparo.zip Star Trek: The Happy Face Generation (Voyager Parodies) a series of parodies that is very silly voybunch.zip A Voyager/Brady Bunch crossover voyexcus.zip Various typical expected excuses to be heard on Voyager voyfilm.zip Trying to find a way home, the Voyager crew discover they're being filmed, so they ask the film crew for help voyparo2.zip Another collection of Voyager parodies voyshp.zip A .gif of Voyager vulcsong.zip A song about that vulcan on Voyager that went into Pon Farr wantback.zip "I Want My Station Back" to the tune of "Paint it Black" weddings.zip Neelix coordinates a weeding. Meanwhile, Janeway and Chakotay have a talk on the subject wherewor.zip "Where's Worf?" Worf is deemed redundant on DS9, so he is disposed of and replaced with holograms winsetup.zip A pre-Windows '95 lampoon of Captain Kirk and crew beta-testing Windows '95 on the Enterprise computer wintrek.zip The TOS crew install windows '98 on their systems and pay the price wormhole.zip A poem about the Wormhole zoohour.zip A voyager parody of interviews